God Stopped Me Dead In My Tracks To Be His Hands And Feet!
Today started like any other day. Awakened with joy and gratitude, but dreading another long day being over committed. Those last few moments of sleep cuddled around my pillow were screaming my name! But the heightened enticement from the delicious morsels of more sleep lost their battle to sprint the hurdles of the ticking clock.
Appointments versus Being Present
It's hard to prioritize our lives when the clock ticks faster than each footstep. I don't glide like I used to. Strength and speed have been replaced with substance and snap. I long to master how to navigate the constant and rapid changes that occur with the snap, but I'm working on it. Work in progress!
Once my prayers were finished and released, I made a flippant request to my Lord asking Him to show me somebody today that would stop me dead in my tracks who needed His love and affirmations to remind me of how desperate and alone I was 37 years ago that would trigger the mania to tragically end my life.
It's hard to share about depression through the loneliness and desperation when you can't quite remember what that looked like. Sure, I get depressed at times, we all do; but to be that desperate and all alone, that is something that required probing back into my underbellies.
I seem to forget to practice what I preach, because I sure would be a lot more selective in my prayers and petitions to the Lord. I either fail to hear myself making these flippant requests on a maxed-out schedule as if I was emulating the Pharisees to look more holy or I arrogantly pour out prayers to make myself look better in front of God. I mean, God knows our motives; so...
The day shifted and howled similar to the blazing north winds. Upon exiting the medical center to leave behind the news that ushered me into frenzy, my mind occupied residency in the bad neighborhood. That deadly hood needs barricading.
Due to being upset with the doctors and the shuffling of appointments that I was now late for, I failed to notice this man who shocked life back into me by jumping out of nowhere into the sidewalk before me. The fright caused from being winded forced a pathetic screech and an accompanying tinkle as I soon realized lingering in the hood is far more dangerous than any mortal.
Epiphany versus Revelation
This mortal man's name was William. Yes, I flippantly prayed in the morning that the Lord would show me somebody who needed His love. I almost missed out on God's answer to that prayer because I was too busy being focused on all the demands and unknowns and how could I possibly prioritize my time to not upset others.
Herein lies William who is 28 years old. He just got released from the hospital after overdosing on Meth. He knew God could hold him through recovery, but just couldn't gather up the strength to walk away from the comforts of his drug of choice. My heart broke because his life matters, for one; and second of all, he could have been any one of my kids. He knew I cared, after initially pulling away from him because of fear and fright.
Time stopped. The world didn't, but the clock literally stopped ticking. Nothing mattered except for being present. We talked awhile. I shared a little and he listened. Then it changed to me listening to words that would unearth this desperation I once encountered. He felt all alone. Meth took away the sting of rejection. He belonged and always had someone with Meth. Meth always waited to pick him up.
He shared his prayers that morning to God and the gravity of them happening upon his release from the hospital. He had nobody to pick him up because he didn't want additional guilt or to burden the few who were lingering in his life. He prayed that if one person stopped to talk to him and acknowledge his presence, he would not take his own life.
Death versus Matter
The pain flooding his heart and the desperation in which he expressed himself unearthed emotions that laid dormant for decades. I absorbed every last word. Ocean tears ushered in an agreement that paved the way for William to walk through. Uber was summoned to take him where his life mattered. The care-packed resources included my cell number to keep in touch.
We prayed as we walked. Meth addicts do not like to stand still. They need to keep moving. Time started clicking. I released William back into the care of the Lord as hard as it was, but I trust the One who ordered this Divine appointment all due to prayer.
The ease in being the hands and feet of God is so simple, but it requires being present; spiritually, emotionally and physically. His Uber trip cost me a whole $8.80 and his life is priceless. Sometimes God has to literally drop people right in front of us because we're too consumed with stress or worry. That's why the Lord tells us not to worry about tomorrow, for today has enough troubles of its own (Matthew 6:25-34).
I will say I don't know what's going to happen to William. All appointments were fulfilled; Divine and scheduled. I stuttered, but surrendered. I felt awkward and was uncomfortable. I did share the love of the Lord and William graciously received it as he grabbed a hold of the hand extending down from heaven. Being the hands and feet of God shifted my life. William texted me and said "thank you."
Until next time...
Thank You For Being Beautiful You!