When Words Pierce Our Armor And Hurt Like Hell!
Are You Prepared For Battle? The Enemy Is!
Manic Explosion vs. Armor of God!
If recovering from a fierce infection that attacked the heart's chamber with erratic arrhythmia wasn't jolting enough, the deep lacerations from daggers of hate and rage that accompanied a manic explosion would. Who plans an attack on others while they're in the hospital? The enemy does, especially when your relationship with Jesus exposes their lies.
Family and friends are usually a great source for consolation and encouragement during traumatic times, but words from a meticulously planned attack were intended to take me out. Patients are vulnerable to many infections during hospitalizations. When random attacks from a family member announced their concern by delivering calibrated electrical shocks more powerful than any defibrillator left me stunned and infected.
The explosion of this manic shrapnel left me bewildered and injured. The slamming words of hate and bitterness increased the pressure of infection that laid beneath the sutures holding the weak and tattered heart together. Hurt people hurt people; we all know that. But how does a beloved swim against the current in a raging storm when the flaming arrows of the enemy refuse to cease?
Why is it people use the word "love" as a means to exercise control and manipulation? God calls love an action, not a feeling or means for abuse. When people are trying to keep the fuel lines of anger going while we work ever so hard to bring peace and forgiveness, they become desperate and exaggerate our imperfections to keep the truth from being exposed. But when the offensive armor of our sword is sharpened, the injury afflicted will sting, but life-giving courage offers us to see clearly through all the bloodshed, carnage and death.
Her words pierced as she vomited words of rejection. Her own shame caused from humiliation that the exposure of truths and confrontation delivered left her pride to declare "Done." I was shocked that she would choose my second hospitalization to download her shame and guilt. Maybe it's because her absence
is normally the rule and she needed justification, I don't know. This time something was different. So different that even my own reaction shocked me.
I used to run after unhealthy love and relationships. I would do anything (understatement, hello!) to receive this conditional love of abuse in order to be affirmed and belong. Everyone wants to be acknowledged and loved, but that longing becomes intense when we've been orphaned. The cravings can be insatious when we are depleted of the affections that the covering of love is supposed to offer. Abandonment and rejection can lead us down a path that is dangerously unhealthy.
Even though I may be orphaned, the love of my good, good Father in heaven has adopted me and claimed me as His own. He has poured so much love over and through my heart, soul, body and mind as He relentlessly pursues me, His love has captured me and brought healing. My relationship with my daddy enables me to keep my sword sharpened so that when the enemy attacks at the most inopportune time, and we're talking here about a slivering and sneaky enemy who moves about lurking for someone to ambush (like in the hospital), we can raise our shields of faith to withstand these flaming arrows.
Oh sure, the words stated hurt. I cried a bit in the hospital in order to release enough of this toxicity from further damaging my heart, but between the love, touch and prayers offered from fabulous friends, I was able to keep self-controlled long enough until I got home. Then once I got home, I cried me a Noah's Flood as I tried to process and understand this affliction that erupted from an emotional plague. Some things are better left unknown.
So what are we supposed to do when others have manic episodes exposing their true bleeding hearts? Yes, we are to forgive them, no doubt; but how do we get to that point where we're able to forgive? That forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean we will continue to engage in a relationship with them, but how can we become free from the toxicity that was poured out?
For me, that required surrendered time in prayer while being immersed in God's Word to understand this pain. God blessed me with an amazing bestie who knows my heart and celebrates my life through the good, bad and ugly. This allowed me to be
vulnerable without fear of judgment in order to process through the pain while receiving peace.
I didn't have to spend weeks or even months reliving this trauma in trying to understand how cold and bitter another beloved's heart was through hurtful words and why they were spewed out. Trying to tarnish another beloved's character only exposes your own depth of rage and bitterness. That energy and focus stayed on who God says I am, His Treasured Daughter.
Every day as I am overcoming, I am becoming more and more like Him. Pain is inevitable, sadly. I am learning to be true to myself, react with love and continue sojourning this side of heaven without the lingering effects of pain caused by others.
You see, I am trying to embrace the fact that I am a Beautiful Beloved chosen and pursued by the Lord God Almighty, just like you! God is the one who holds the key to my heart. Nobody can strip me of my identity and worth; not family or ex-husbands. They didn't give me my identity to begin with so why would anyone feel that they could actually take it away, especially through threat and coercion? They may try as they are crafty, but the more I know and love my good, good father and the more I realize how much He truly loves me just the way I am, their daggers and threats cannot penetrate my armor.
Because we are loved by our amazing father, nobody can take away our acceptance. Nobody can take away our love that is freely given. Nobody can take away our identity. Why? Because it was never theirs to give us in the first place. That love is given by our Lord and no one else. That's what He did for you and me. We are unconditionally loved by Him. That's what He does, He gives. He doesn't demand we conform to His way or the highway, He loves us just the way we are!
You know, it's not about what our family did or does, nor what our friends do or did. We need to remember where to place our focus and receive our affections. It's about what God did for us. If we can just remember that it's about what God did for us, we won't concentrate on the afflictions that others cast upon us. We will live bravely knowing we are the Bride of Christ and have royal blood running through our veins while being unconditionally loved.
Until next time...
Thank You For Being Beautiful You!