When You Have Been Abused, Abandoned and Rejected, What Is Next?
I've been abused, abandoned and rejected. Now what? What does that say about me when others treat me as rubbish and waste? We only discard filth, so does that mean I'm not worthy to be loved, honored and cherished? Who discards their child with contempt anyways?
Disclaimer: This blog series for the next couple months may trigger some Beloveds that have been a victim of abuse. Abuse and rejection are hard areas to heal.
Who wants to vocalize and admit they're a victim of abuse, abandonment and rejection? Not me, but it's something we need to talk about and share with one another, so...
We all desire to be loved, accepted and belong. I am no exception. Admitting I was thrown out as waste and unwanted droppings automatically labeled me as a reject, unwanted,
refused, loser, no value, screwed up, refund demanded! What does that say about me as a Beloved, my worth and value, and every decision I would make subsequently thereafter?
When you're not wanted and abandoned, that rejection tears right through your heart, mind, body and soul. Plus, you don't know how to love or be loved; instead you become one whom must perform to others' expectations in order to be loved. WRONG!
I'm glad I'm a Beloved who chases after my Lord, even though He never leaves our side. Otherwise, I truly don't know how I would have walked through such a lonely, hopeless and heartbreaking journey, much less become the bold and courageous Beloved I am today. God turned my ashes into beauty. I know I'm God's treasured daughter who was once found at the bottom of the dump, but God meticulously cleaned me up and now I'm crowned skipping merrily in freedom, confidence and wholeness. What a beautiful assurance of His Great Love. That's called a beautiful exchange!
As the torturing fire of acknowledgement burns the pit of my stomach as I write, my mouth regurgitates "I've been rejected, AGAIN!" The reality of such an abominable tragedy to any child is overwhelming, but the power from the eruption of St. Tammy's Emotions exposes an even deeper level of loss and insecurities.
I am so grateful the Lord didn't consider me scraps that are thrown out to the pigs. Instead He chooses to love, cherish and relentlessly pursue me so much that He even extended His loving arms down from heaven to protect me when I drove myself off that cliff 37 years ago and redeemed my life with His Great Love.
God doesn’t kick His children to the curb or throw them away like a piece of deplorable regret. In fact, He calls His children His masterpieces and works of art! His Love never ceases and He will never forsake us either. There’s nothing we can do to lose that Love.
When We’re Considered A Piece of Deplorable Regret!
I am not the only person who’s been rejected and abused, much less abandoned. My heart genuinely grieves for the Beloveds that have been violently tormented. My teeth grit just thinking about the unconscionable behavior of others. It’s hell that no one could even begin to understand unless you’ve walked through the valley of the shadow of death yourself.
Emotional trauma caused by those who profess to love you is the hardest journey to walk through victoriously. It can cause other mental health issues such as depression, addiction, eating disorders, you name it, just to escape and numb the pain that afflicts the heart and mind. I know, alcohol makes a great numbing agent, or did!
This is really hard for me to talk about. Dealing with the tragedies of life and facing it head on is something that is outside of my comfort zone without Mr. Denial, but…
When one is discarded like rubbish, though, this torment leaves a permanent marking from the scorching cauterization of the branding iron. This imprint of “rejected” forever tarnishes one’s worth and value tragically and effects behaviors regarding life, love and choices and decisions. Even effects our relationship with God.
God is a God of love and mercy, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love (Psalm 103:8) who never leaves our side. I’ve been healed by the touch of God and now I understand why I passionately want to help the unlovable because all lives matter and deserve to be loved.
One thing is absolutely certain besides my tangent: No one is unlovable and removed from the touch of God!
My bestie lovingly reminded me of the worse offenders to help soothe the sting of my abuser’s manic explosion. She shared, “Some moms sell their children as sex slaves for rent money and to satisfy their own drug fix.”
We are not the labels our offenders branded us with!
The greatest gift God gives us is family and friendships. If we’ve been orphaned, God brings us friendships to fill those vacancies and walk alongside of us being the hands and feet of God, along with offering their precious hearts and time. The love, hope and affirmations we receive from our relationships cultivate our beauty to bloom right where we’re planted. That’s how we thrive and not just survive. Investing precious time into our relationships not only shows love, but it also revives honor.
Because we are loved immeasurably more than we could ever imagine, the torturous time feeling invisible and insignificant, you know, overlooked because we are tossed out with the rest of the trash, God sees us. He not only sees us, He is even proud to
be seen with us and calls us the apple of His eye (Zechariah 2:8). To know we are His prized possession and treasured Beloveds should empower us to walk bravely and take risks with confidence knowing He will never leave us.
When only Love could make a way, being immersed in God’s mercy and love creates a wholeness and contentment of heart. Knowing we are called His treasured daughters enables us to forgive our offenders. People are full of pain and pride and sickness. Shame cripples and shackles. It’s a powerful membrane. But we don’t have to stay entangled in the Black Widow’s web of destruction.
Honestly, even though I am at a great place in my life spiritually, professionally and emotionally, admitting that I’m orphaned and not wanted is a hard pill to swallow. It’s hard to admit that. It does leave a sense of loss to my heart, but I’ll allow this pain to help others.
Until next time…
Thank You For Being Beautiful You!