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You Have No Idea

Transforming the Past...

Hi Family and Friends,

Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words scar souls and break hearts with unknowns.

When was the last time you heard words that seared your heart? I bet you can still remember a few. I know I can.

It’s difficult for a person who punches another or throws them into a wall to not know that they’re an abuser. Now, for those with a black eye or other bruises, it’s still difficult to deny abuse because they’ll try to find reasoning to avoid reality.

But what about the subtle expressions of nonphysical abuse that generally escape acknowledgement?

Those invisible jabs and gut punches threaten our self-esteem and break our spirits. They manipulate us into thinking we’re to blame and deserve the cruel words that break our spirits.

Nonphysical abuse is the destruction of a person’s emotional, psychological and spiritual well-being, sabotaging our sense of self and safety.

Behind all abuse, though, is the need to control and dominate another. Abusers know exactly what they are doing by weakening others in order to strengthen themselves.

It’s not easy for a victim of verbal and emotional abuse to recognize they’re being abused. I didn’t realize how destructive the daily reminders through abusive rage-and-blame game in how my conception destroyed my mother’s dreams. The words I heard daily would crush anyone’s soul, all due to forfeiting a lifestyle of fast and furious cars and great riches. It’s no wonder my lack of belonging contributed to driving myself off a cliff.

“Human suffering could connect all of us, if only we had the courage to share in it.” -Jennifer Toon

It’s also not obvious for victims of emotional abuse to recognize the signs of physical abuse, especially when the abuse comes from loved ones. It’s one thing to be treated unkindly, but another when you’re being invalidated by being referred to as “too sensitive” or should only be seen and not heard.

When invisible wounds that scar the soul are left untreated, they can lead to other forms of self-destruction and tolerance to physical abuse.

Abusive anger, name calling, threatening, ordering, blaming, criticizing, discounting are just a few categories of verbal abuse. This emotional battering leads to emotional trauma.

“While her bones are never broken, her flesh never bruised, her blood never spilled, she is wounded nonetheless. With self-confidence and self-respect gone, she lives, empty, with no self left to assert. She cedes control of her life to her abuser. The emotionally battered woman loses herself.” -Mary S. Miller

That’s a generational opening for the enemy to establish residency in our bloodline. The lack of being loved and accepted/nurtured not only caused me to try and kill myself, but when suicide didn’t work, I sought out love and belonging in unhealthy ways. I gravitated towards a broken man who was as broken as myself. And with his unhealed trauma and rage, I became a domestic violence survivor after fleeing a 14-year marriage.

We Need To Learn Each Other’s Story


Help Each Other Tell Their Story

Because of my former abuse, I discounted abusive qualities that God never intended anyone to be subjected to. That’s why being relationally rich in a heathy community is vital! Once I met and accepted my Beautiful Jesus, God blessed this hot mess and continues to heal my heart daily piece by piece.

Let me share, the first 50 years of my life were beyond painful, and it’s only by God’s amazing grace I’m still alive. Maybe that’s why I have such a passion for the lost and brokenhearted. That’s where the gift of compassion steps in and shares what society craves and lacks, being HELD BY LOVE, introducing what only Jesus can fill.

“Anger is sadness that has had nowhere to go.” -Unknown

God is telling you and me who are all under some sort of captivity, and this includes our incarcerated, “Do not remain in the stronghold; depart and go into the land of Judah.”

It‘s time to deliver, cast out, and send forth, to break and sever ties and set the captives free. It’s time those prison bars are broken and they’re released from that limiting place.

“Each person makes their own choices and must accept full responsibility for their actions. Accepting responsibility for the past is the only way to begin a journey toward becoming a whole and rehabilitated person.” -Amalia Molina

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